


State of my Head

by Runner5Ready



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Hallucinations, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season/Series 03 Spoilers, Z3M47 spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 18:12:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5215676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runner5Ready/pseuds/Runner5Ready
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if it was all in 5′s head?</p>
<p>After a terrible crash leave a friend a bit worse for wear, Sam Yao and Jody Marsh have to help their friend any way they can. Even if that means giving her up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	State of my Head

**Author's Note:**

> Here's something I wrote for tumblr and thought I'd upload here, too! Hope you enjoy it, it's my first writing piece for Zombies, run!

A crash.

Sam froze, hand tightening over the phone in his hand, shock overtaking and overwhelming him. He rolled over to check the time on the little digital clock by his bedside table. It had just gone one.

Hanging up the phone, he rolled out of bed and tugged on some kind of clothing and ran outside to his car parked in front of his student house. He started the car up and drove as fast as he could towards the hospital.

His mind was frantic when he arrived, talking to the receptionist and trying to find out where she was. He drummed his hands impatiently on the desk in front of him and bit his bottom lip nervously. He didn’t even notice his shirt was on inside out.

\----

Waiting. There was so much waiting.

Sam sat on a chair pulled up close to her bed, arms crossed over on the mattress and his chin resting on his arms.

They had said she was stable, whatever that meant. She had an ugly purple bruise on her forehead, a scratch that traced her cheekbone just under her eye and a split lip but apart from that, she just looked like she was sleeping. The doctors had said she was lucky but Sam disagreed. No body in a coma should be considered lucky.

They were asked by a kind-faced doctor with a thick American accent if she had any family to which they denied. She’d never been very open when it came to her personal life but they’d never heard of any relation of her. The doctor solemnly nodded and started scribbling on her clipboard.

\----

It had been almost a week since the accident. Sam and Jody had been taking it in turns sitting with her. They had tried talking but after a few awkward attempts, settled for holding her hand and just being there in case she wakes up. 

Sam started dozing when he saw a hand move. It was a slight movement to the wrist, a figment of his imagination his addled brain could have conjured up but even so, he sat up a bit straighter and stared at the hand, willing it to move again, and it did. This time, her whole hand jerked and she rolled her head to the side, face screwing up in what looked like discomfort.

He called out to her, over and over again as his hand found hers. She opened her eyes slowly, at first not seeming to register her surroundings but then a look of confusion overtook her features and she tried to sit upright.

After pressing the button on the side of her bed, the same American doctor arrived.

“Give patient 5 some room.” She had said, waiting for Sam to stand back and watch from a distance.

That’s what they all called her. Her room number was 005 and most of the doctors’ referred to their patients by their room number.

\----

Jody arrived some time later after Sam sent her a text telling her she was awake. They now sat on either side of her bed as she stared at the ceiling, willing her to look at either of them. When she had first woken up, confusion turned to worry and she tried weakly to remove the various tubs and wires attached to her. Dr Meyers had managed to calm her down but she still responded badly to others, as though she couldn’t hear them or tried to block them out.

\----

The next few days in hospital were very encouraging. She started eating again albeit in small doses due to doctor’s orders. Even after just a week in a coma, the stomach needs readjusting she had said.

She also started responding more and more to people. She could now answer questions without long pauses for her mind to catch up. She recognized Sam and Jody and her face lit up when one or both of them appeared.

However, they hadn’t yet addressed the accident and they were all concerned about her reaction.

\----

Sam would be the one to tell her, of course. He was her best friend and she trusted him. They were still in the hospital because the doctor refused to discharge her before they knew the extent of her mental state. Now that most of her temporary amnesia was wearing off, they couldn’t avoid the subject much longer.

He sat on her bed and told her what he knew. He still held her hand and tried to tell her softly but how do you tell someone something like this gently?

He watched her face closely. The warmth she usually reserved for her friends vanished almost instantly. She listened intently to Sam, breathing steadily getting faster. All of a sudden her face crumbled and she clutched her head, probably remembering each event as they tumbled out to Sam’s mouth.

The man was a drunk, stumbled right into the road in the middle of the night. Almost like a zombie, he was completely unaware of his actions. The crash happened as she tried to avoid him but she didn’t react fast enough. He died instantly on impact.

For what seemed like hours later, she clutched at him as Sam stroked her hair and muttered her name. She cried and cried until she was dehydrated and exhausted and then fell asleep against Sam’s chest.

The doctors left them there even after visiting hours were closed. She needed a rock more than ever.

\----

Despite the concern, she was still making progress. She was more distant than before, smiled less but she was still responding and still eating.

After a total of 3 weeks in hospital she was discharged. Jody drove her home and tried to strike up conversation but she wouldn’t respond.

The familiar look of confusion returned upon reaching their humble student home but they were warned about the length of time it would take her to get used to things again.

\----

The nightmares started almost immediately. She woke up screaming in a cold sweat most days of the week and each time, Jody who was next door would rush in and reassure her. Dry her tears and just be with her until she drifted off again.

The Doctor told them this would fade in time; they just needed to be there for her.

During the second week, Jody moved into her room. She became accustomed to the little noises she’d make before the nightmares got bad and calmed her by assuring her she wasn’t alone, taking her hand or playing with her hair usually did the trick but sometimes she’d have to hug her and shush her to keep her from thrashing.

\----

Then she started acting weirdly. She started running after the doctor told them that exercise would do her mind some good.

By god, it worked. She always came back from a run more responsive and in a better mood. The nightmares reduced and she was able to start University again.

Sam would have been over the moon if it weren’t for the other aspects of her behavior that were also changing. She reduced her food intake, mumbling about how it needed to last. She also wouldn’t respond to her name and took a while to get her attention. People were also a worry. She became jumpy around others and they often had to lead her out of crowded places before she panicked and ran. 

It was hard to watch.

\----

The weight fell off and the running increased. She now goes out two or three times a day and if Sam or Jody locked the doors and refused to let her out, she would distance herself from them again.

Sam once came back to the house after a particularly hard day at University to find Jody practically exploding with nervous energy. She was out again but it was late now and dark. She’d never been out this late before.

They tried ringing, knowing she’d have her mobile on her as she always had it and headphones when running.

They got through eventually on Sam’s mobile but she wasn’t talking. Maybe she’d picked up by accident because they could hear her footsteps and heavy breathing.

After the initial panic and demands to know if she was okay, Sam settled for just talking about anything, still unsure whether she could actually hear him. Just letting her hear his voice and letting her know he was here for her.

“Run on home, if you can.”

They were on the verge of calling the police and demanding a search party to be set up until the door opened and she stepped through, headphones still in place, tears in her eyes.

Sam practically lunged at her and they both to their knees as she started sobbing it his shirt.

“You’re home!”

\----

Jody went with her after that. They’d often go out running together and Sam was happier knowing that she wasn’t out there alone and he was confident that Jody would pick up her phone if they were out longer than expected.

She was still restricting and losing weight though so Sam called for help.

\----

Doctor Van Ark is how he introduced himself. He offered to come over to their house to meet her for himself.

She and Jody were out again when he arrived so when they came back into the house, she froze at the sight of him like she did with most strangers, instantly untrusting and on guard. Tense and ready to bolt.

Van Ark stood up; he was a middle-aged man with greying black hair and an easy, friendly smile. He introduced himself but otherwise didn’t move from his spot but instead letting her assess him and get her bearings.

Sam coaxed her over to the sofa and with Jody’s reassuring hand on her forearm, she was lead over, shrugging her little sports bag off her shoulders and sitting close to Sam. He could feel her hard body against his, as though she was a coiled spring, ready to run off at any sudden movement.

They talked, or at least tired to talk about everyday life. Little, unimportant things but she wouldn’t respond. She sometimes nodded or shook her head at some of the questions but her fast breathing and the way she narrowed her eyes when the doctor talked told Sam she wasn’t even close to trusting him.

He asked her if she was having nightmares and that’s when she snapped, shooting up onto her feet, slinging the bag back onto her back and running back out of the front door with Jody hot on her heels, talking her down.

Van Ark sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He told Sam of the basic characteristics of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. She is seeking to regain control of her life by imposing some sort of importance through running. She sees it as more of a mission than a pastime and her distrust of people she doesn’t know coupled with her closed off demeanor meant that he wants to keep a closer eye on her.

As soon as the words Psychiatric Institution came up, Sam visibly deflated. He was hoping for a quick assessment and a date where she’d miraculously be cured and back to her old, lively self.

They said their goodbyes just as the two runners were returning to the house. She kept a wide berth from him as he left and didn’t answer then he apologized.

Sam told Jody the news while she was upstairs having a shower and Jody gnawed at her bottom lip, tears forming in her eyes.

\----

Dropping her off was the worst day of Sam’s life. He knew that the longer he kept it from her, the longer she’d be away for. He didn’t tell her where they were going as she now just followed him blindly when he asked. Jody couldn’t face coming with them and Sam had never felt more alone as he stared up at the imposing building while his best friend was getting out of the car, still oblivious to his intentions.

Dr Van Ark was expecting them and met them in the foyer.

As soon as she spotted him, her eyes grew wide with terror and she stepped back until she walked into Sam’s chest. She whirled around to stare at him, a look of pure betrayal sent daggers through Sam’s heart. She made a break for it but was stopped by Sam’s hands clutching at her wrists.

He said it was okay and that she mustn’t be afraid but his words had no affect on her. She tried to yank herself out of his grip, grunting at the effort and he despaired over how weak she’d gotten. He just wanted to bring her back to the house and tell her he’d made a mistake but he had to remind himself that this was for her sake.

A woman came to stand by Sam’s side. She had a kind face and a sympathetic air to her. She told Sam that he wasn’t doing her any favors by staying. He let go of her wrists and made sure she wasn’t going to run before taking an experimental step back towards the front door.

Van Ark had made himself scarce, he obviously noted her reaction and sent someone else instead. The woman introduced herself as Paula and had sat her down in one of the waiting room chairs and was speaking softly to her while she glared, dazed at the spot between her feet.

That would be Sam’s last visual memory of her for at least a year. He didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye.


End file.
